Peace and Happiness
Peace and Happiness In Your Home
The other day I was in the grocery store and saw a family shopping. The wife was abusive toward her husband in front of their child. He seemed to tolerate her behavior but I saw the anger in his face.
We often take our daily stress out on the people who are closest to us for any number of reasons. We might be angry about something else. Old childhood patterns play a role in making us see our partners according to a bygone experience rather than how they really are.
Perhaps we think that dumping on our loved ones is natural or okay to do because that’s what we learned as children. We create more problems when we do. He may not act on it right away but eventually the man I saw in the store will release his anger. Abuse increases stress in the home. Suppressing our feelings brings health problems later. This man might later have heart disease and never know that it had to do with his suppressed anger.
Ideally our home should be a haven from the rest of the world. Whatever stress is going on in our lives, coming home should feel good, and the loved ones we live with should feel like they are supporting us.
How can you create a haven for yourself? Recognize that whatever your life is like, you made the choice to be there. Find a way to forgive your past. Drop the need to be right. I was eavesdropping in the gym one day when a woman was griping about her husband. She was determined to continue battling with him until he got that she was right. Being right was more important than whatever love she had for him. Rather than getting caught up with being right when you have a conflict, determine that you want to find a solution to the problem together. If you set your mind to finding loving solutions, your behaviors and responses will automatically change.
When you’re having a stressful time in your life, try to see your mate as your ally instead of as the enemy. Try your best not to take it out on him/her even if the stress looks like its related to something he’s doing. You can become closer because of your willingness not to blame each other if you can wait it out. Your outside stresses can become easier to bear if you remember the love you have. It helps to remember that your mate or children are usually not the cause of your stress. Use them to help you feel better rather than worse. Work at creating friendship in your home.
There are many ways to begin creating your haven. Some friends of mine keep a little box in a central part of their house for love notes. When things are going well, they write nice notes to each other and put them in the box. During hard times they take the notes out and read them to each other.
Try to find something to laugh about together every day-or at least once a week. One man I know takes songs and changes the words to make a silly expression of how he feels about things. He sings them to his wife and makes her laugh. Make a date night at least once a month, preferably more often, try to do something that shows your partner you love and appreciate her.
No matter what is going wrong, there’s always something to be grateful for. We are often told that successful people know how to be grateful. Try practicing gratitude every day even if all you can think of is to be happy that you don’t live in Afghanistan.
As the holidays approach this year, think of something fun and loving to do that’s completely different than the usual annual ritual you have. Not that you have to change your ritual, just add something new, fun, and personal into the mix.